1/3/12

BLOG CITY [new blogs i will launch]

Inevitable change - a Minneapolis based instrumental project. Anyone that is living in Minneapolis and is talented at an instrument (or vocals) can participate. I jam in guitar stores, on the street, in friend's apartments, in cafes, in bars, in venues, in the bathroom, on the 3rd floor of the central library in the piano room I reserve nearly every day for a half hour, on the MOA stage grand piano, in random university practice rooms, in my sleep, in my wake, come JAM WITH ME FOR HEAVENS SAKE




Positive negatives  - a blog dedicated to photos catered on film. Aka the negatives. Aka positive memories captured on a "negative." aka a play on words..Aka I am witty. Photos of my travels, family, friends, bible camp, my pets, sports, anything and everything.



Helmet heads of MN- a blog dedicated to the hard working residents of MN. We do accept Oscar on national TV for all to see...but We are the type of people that wear their helmet when we bike. Sure, it is sexy ms.hipster to wear that sun dress while peddling a vintage bike with your hair blowing in the wind - helmet free - but when that car hits you and you turn into a vegetable and have to have a feeding tube and be wheel chair bound and maybe brain dead...or Be real dead in a coffin...that Is not sexy. WEARING A HELMET IS SEXY. MY uncle looks sexy thanks to the helmet he was wearing when a car hit him when he was biking. My friend looks sexy thanks to the helmet she was wearing when she got hit by a car on her bike. Yes, even I look sexy thanks to the helmet I was wearing when I fell of my bike [MN winter]. So be sexy with me and wear a helmet. It is obviously and analogy - we are not Hollywood super stars...we Are Minnesota super stars. So this blog is dedicated to hard working tax paying residents of MN that I know and love. These people have directly effected my life in a positive way and make this a better and more interesting community to be a part of. I bought a helmet at unique thrift store in st.paul, MN and spray painted it gold. I place the helmet on the heads of my real life Minnesota heroes. This is our Oscar.



She's going the distance - a blog dedicated to long distance runners. We have a bond like no other. Running cross country for the Roseville public schools changed my life forever and I am still very dear friends with many of the woman that once ran side by side. This will tell my story about running and how it has helped me live a healthy life both mentally and physically. I will scan and upload photos from my middle/high school cc running years and photos from races I have ran since I graduated. I will start a running club in Minneapolis, a running club were new runners will feel welcome. I want all people that have the capability to run to read about how running long distance has changed my life forever. Once a distie, always a distie. "she's going the distance" is a cake song from the 1990's it was on a cc soundtrack my captain (of the Roseville cc team) gave to all of us at the end of the season in 2001. Yes, a CD, not mp3 for an ipod, there were no ipods then.



Letters to Hannah - a blog dedicated to all my pen pals - past, present and future. I have pen pals from bible camp, Hawaiian camp, my exchange years in Brazil, exchange students that studied at uw-stout or roseville HS, exchange students my parents hosted in mn, and pen pals from all around the world. also notes i was handed in school through out many years. i will attempt to type up all these notes and post them to this blog.

12/27/11

My Mind is a Volcano


My mind is a VOLCANO













My life is crazy
My life is crazy happy
My life is crazy sad
My life is crazy mad
My life aint crazy bad
My life is crazy weird
My life is crazy everyday

I thanks God now that my life is crazy sober, every single day!
My brain is a volcano
It continually erupts
The lava never solidifies and the warm liquid flows down my body
I need to quick grab a pen or keyboard
To write all these burning ideas down
To capture the flame of thought
Before it escapes my brain
Forget but not forgot

My hands cannot keep up with my mind
I fear I might leave a thought behind

But I never look back
Have no regrets
Because every mistake I make holds my hand all of the time
My lessons walk with me in the middle of the night

12/20/11

I AM

i used to write in my sketch book for my drawing 2 class when i was at stout. i found that sketch book and i found this rap i wrote. here it is

fall 2009:

I AM BY: HANNAH CHANG SCHROEDER

I am human, a woman of color, should take a shower, am bisexual, like cats, want to eat, at meat when practicing vegetarianism, , miss my best friend, smoke cigarettes - even though i know they kill me, pose nude, love my family, play guitar, enjoy dreams, speak portuguese, fuck women, fuck men, read online newspapers, support Obama, plan concerts, love my co-workers, feel guilty for not doing more about poverty, volunteer at the Family Place Homeless Shelter, have a grandfather that was a pastor, worked at a Bible camp, love my dad and hope to be as humble as him one day, cut my hair nine inches, watched someone die, will never do heroin, will never to any drug but Mary-J, rode an elephant in Thailand, have been to: Canada, Mexico, Guatemala, Brazil, Argentina, Paraguay, Thailand, Japan(airport), Germany, Netherlands, Austria, and the U.S of A. I want to  go to Alaska, played the trumpet, made MJ butter, sang  karaoke drunk during carnival in Brazil and fell off a truck, never sucked a dick and never want to, thinks that Stout is a waste of money and the S.S.A is not wise, strongly dislike George W. Bush, loved working on the Obama campaign, am content with myself, sometimes get lonely but now I have a friend, want to have a successful band, love making music with Ali, secretly have feelings for one of my old friends, get very annoyed with another, miss Brazil but would not want to live there, want to learn: German, French, and Hebrew, thinks Israeli woman are cool, and bulging muscles are not, fear death but don't want to, pray that there is an afterlife, believe in some sort of God, trying to find God, love Cloud Cult, love eggs and rice with spam but dont eat spam or meat anymore, i am high on caffeine right now, can't spell worth shit, swear too much, thank my parents for everything they do/did for me, want to own a restaurant/venue, pray that I wake up in the morning, think that Tamara Braintmier is a good professor, Mr. Engelking was a great teacher, like my body but want to loose 5lbs, like rock climbing, should run more, miss cross country running, hope to fall in love, real genuine love...this year, want to go on national exchange, miss Veerle and want to work in Belgium this summer.

THE END

Now exactly two years later i am sitting in Corner Coffee typing on this computer. It is funny to look back and reflect on your life. That is why i journal to see how I have changed. For the better or worse. I have gone through many changes in the past 2 years.   Some of  the things I wrote about wanting to do, I never did. Some things swore I wouldn't do...I did. Somethings i wanted to do I did. This world is crazy, but beautiful. i have had many trials in the past year. Everything from suicide attempts, to getting hit by a car in Milwaukee because an old man was going blind, to getting rapped, swearing at a the cop lady and landing my homeless junkie ass in jail. Well I am thankful for my struggles and I am thankful that "cop lady" threw my ass in jail.  being in jail gave me the time I needed to really look at my life for what it was at the time. I mean in 9 months i hit up about every major city in the midwest (and NYC) via hopping trains, hitchhiking, or the greyhound bus. I was loosing my friends left and right, i was hurting the people i love, drinking too much, smoking too much, and waking up behind dumpsters. BUT it was not all bad.  While traveling i did meet some very interesting people that are still my friends to this day.  When I was a bum in Minneapolis I started to play my guitar on the streets for money. Which brings me to the happy part of the story. I  was playing on the patio of a cafe along the Mississippi near St.Anthony on Main. The only reason why I stopped to play a song for a group of young women is because I thought they were pretty and looked like they might be the type to give me a few bucks. Well, 5 months later they are my dear friends and kept telling me that God loved me and even though I was alone that God loves me and is always with me, so I am never really alone.  Now I finally know what they were talking about and I am feeling Gods love more than ever. His love and steadfast and mighty and he is answering all my prayers.  I had a lot of time to pray in jail and think and read Stephan King Novels.  So this is what happened the night I met Megan, Lindsey and Megan and later on all their amazing roommates. I stopped to play a song...which turned into my playing songs for an hour or so, which turned into them asking me to sit down and drink tea, which turned into me telling them my entire life story, which led to them figuring out I am homeless, which led me to them letting me sleep on their couch because they are so nice (loving and caring and amazing), which lead them to asking me what my relationship was with God, which lead me to OPENING MY HEART TO GOD AND ASKING FOR HIS HELP AND LOVE, WHICH CHANGED MY LIFE. Ok i was in a very very bad place when I met these young woman on the patio of some cafe. i was expecting to sing a song and get a dollar and go on my way. BUT thankfully I didn't go on my way...and now I am blessed to call them my friends. And you know why I didn't "go on my way?"  Because God wanted me to meet them that day and work through them to help me understand how much I AM LOVED and that i can turn my life around. "If you ask you shall receive." maybe you will not receive right way but when you are ready things will start to happen. And for the first time in two years I am ready to change.   I mean God is not handing out twenty dollar bills and making all my big dreams come true while i sit on my ass. I am working my ass off - and with Gods help things are starting to look up! I am not saying I am perfect, I am not saying I am the best person in the world, I am not saying I am ecstatic with happiness, but what I am saying is that with the help from God, motivation, respect and hard work my life is becoming what I want it to be. A life that I can be PROUD to live.  I am trying to live a humble life, one that I can maintain my friendships in.  I do not want to loose my friends because they are scared i will still their laptop or something. I lost a lot of friends in the past years due to my poor attitude, bad habits and manic behavior. Now I am trying to show them that I can act like a responsible adult.  But healing a friendship is a lot harder than one can imagine.  It is hard to heal my friendships when all of my old best friends will not respond to anything I write to them.  They will never know that i am living a SOBER. PRODUCTIVE, and RESPECTABLE life if they refuse to talk/write or see me.
I do have new friends, but everyone is unique and it is breaking my heart to know that they are all home for the holidays and hanging out and even the ones living out of state did not contact me to let me know they are in town. i try not to think about them because it brings tears to my eyes. Yes, I know I fucked up.  I fucked up royally and lost them.  But, people make mistakes. Some mistakes are larger mistakes, but we ALL make them right? And EVERYONE has the capability to change, all we need is the motivation to put this change into action. I NOW HAVE THAT MOTIVATION and I have taken many steps toward positive change. I have been out of jail for not even a week and I have managed to pick up TWO jobs, keep myself off the street, stay sober, perform live twice, write music, get job offers, meet new friends, re-connect with the friends that still love me and always will and treat me with respect and love me for who I am and stayed with me through all my struggles and were there when I needed them most and picked up the phone when I called them form jail, helped some homeless guy write a resume now we are friends, and started a project that is going to become something large in the media hopefully. I am no junkie now.  But hitting rock bottom was very humbling to me. You know who else was humble while in jail and turned their life around...? One of my heros, Malcolm X.  i know most of you know who he is. But he also landed his junkie ass in jail a long time ago in Harlem.  you know what he did in jail? THE SAME THING I did: Read, Pray, Write and think about how he can change his life around.  He read so much in jail in the dead of night he nearly went blind his eye sight was so poor when he got out his glassed were as think as my thumb.  He became a very influential person in the Muslim community and the Civil Rights Movement. you know why he became to well know and respected...?  It is because he hit rock bottom and realized he did not want to live the rest of his life smoking the reefier and hustling the streets of Harlem. He changed because he had the motivation to change. If a junkie in Harlem can change and turn into my hero, THEN I TO HAVE THE ABILITY TO CHANGE.  i have already started to change. I wish my old friends would at least give me the time of day and a chance to apologize for the way I treated them and a chance to explain to them how i have started to change my life around. it really does break my heart to know that they are all in town for the Holidays hanging out and none, not one, of them has contacted me. i know i dont have a phone, but i have facebook and email. and I have called them. But that is why I am glad to have Gods love. He has my back and that is why he lead me to that cafe back this summer. I now have few friends and they love me and I love them, so I am not totally alone.  i don;t know what I have to do to prove myself sane and capable to my old friends but maybe when they hear my voice on 89.3 Current one day (hopefuly) one their drive home from work, they will listen and the song will be about me loosing them and calling them to come back into my life. That is the only way they will hear my voice since they won't talk to me or see me. Maybe by that time they will realize that I am not a homeless junkie and I  in fact do have my shit together, so they can trust me again.  I am not a rock star or anything, but I am working hard and I have big dreams.

So

Madeline Sorenson, Alexandra Peter, Michael Pittman, Olivia Scott and Katie Salvatore:

if you are out their somewhere i want you to know that I still love you.  I wonder how you are? are you happy? Do you think of me? I think of you all the time and I care about you and i need you to know that i am sorry for being so stupid and careless. i am sorry that my behavior ruined our friendship. Please give me a second change to show you that i have changed and that you can trust me. please just respond to one message i write you. And if after reading all this you still hate me then at least have the heart to message me to tell me that you are giving up on me forever so I do not waste my time and effort trying to heal our friendship. Please do not leave me in the dark. I made mistakes, but I learned from them. Everyone makes mistakes. I love you.

If you read this whoever you are whereever you are I hope that you can understand where i am coming from. So thank you for reading i hope you learned something. I also want to thank some friends.

So lets pretend i am that one lucky lady that wins an oscar for best actress and her thankyou list is soooooo long that NBC starts to play the background music to kick her off stage.

The following people have changed my life, opened my heart, helped me stay sober, and are just amazing beautiful people with hearts of gold and i want to thank them from the bottom of my heart.  Without their love and support i don't know where I would be today. Thank you my dear friends. I love you all.

Kate
Lindsey
Andrea
James
Micah
Kayla
Megan
Birdy
Kristen
Staci
Tiffany
Jonnie
Jenny
Kathleen
Kate
Sophia
Hannah R
Kate K
Dana
Jessica
Broke
Kristen
Shelly
Maddie P
The Hanson Family
My Dad
My Mom
my Step Dad
My step mom
Malia
Ben
Maya
Cayla
Amanda
Grandma Schoeder
Noelle
Ellen
Solo
Marshell
Laura
Steve
Kim
Eric
Michelle
Celia
Sam
Donna
Linda
Kathy
Vanessa,
Missy
Mark
Raine
Ali
Susi
Laura
Laura V
Brittany
Sarah
 and all of those who i can't name because I could sit here all night typing name of people i love!

6/16/11

My Muse





MY MUSE


by: Hannah CHang Schroeder

for a lovely lady in Sheboygan


you are my muse

my beautiful flower

dancing in the shower

on a cold winter night

you know how to make me warm

you know how to keep away the swarm

the swarm of bees that fly into me

stabbing my should with a sharp dagger

you divert them with your beauty

so mesmerizing and sweet

calm and cool

you weave through my body

like silk on water

you make me feel sick to my stomach

the loves bellows in my face

the smoke forms a cloud around us

protecting us from everything bad in this queotic world


you are me and i am you but we are separate

hug me, squeeze me until my organs fall out on the table

splat goes me heart on to the dinner plate

a nice human fleshy date

my brains spill on to the napkin

flowing like the ocean

my body falls apart

piece by piece

into the plater of you


you make me smile

you make me cry

i want to look into you abyss of eyes

until the end of time

you can call me mine


i


love

you


you

are

my

muse











6/1/11

Kiss

I loved kissing you on the bridge
You made me quiver deep in my heart
The butterflies were shaking in my organs of organs
Deep inside my soul
To the pitt of my being

Everything that existed stopped
For a moment in time
When we met lips

Lips of lips I am lost in your kiss
Underneath the picnic table
Listening to a compact disc
I could hold you forever

Your fingers fell over my skin
Like fiery silk on water
Gliding through galaxies
Not stopping to look at stars but to explode

Wheels a turning in your abyss of eyes
Staring into my soul
You can see my true essence

You move me up a mountain
You touch me like a goddess
i would worship you all night in the temple of my sheets

Smoking a cigarette
The smoke rises into the sunset
As your face touches mine

I am lost inside the world of you.

3/30/11

Hiatus no more

I was on hiatus for quite some time. I am back now. Hello!

3/16/10

country scrapes




the after affects of painting one class.
this is entertaining to create.

jenny



open life drawing.


2/10/10

a claustrophobic murder


again, photo taken with my laptop

1/1/10

five tissues at the phoenix airport

my computer on my lap
bag to my side and
coat on the other side

too lazy to pack up my shit and walk to the bathroom
to get
a
tissue

i kindly ask the middle aged
mom
to watch over my belongings while
i make the small trip around the corner to the bathroom

" i have a kleanex you can use"

she hands me five

i turn around to face the trash can
blow my dry nose
and blood comes out


Delayed in Phoenix


12/31/09

Haikus for Californians

take it from the girl
the one with the purple hair
she always knows best


take not from the one
the one who died her hair blue
the secret is kept


until the time when
the closest become closer
and all is reviled


burning inside me
formulating at my tongue
was the sound i heard


a broken promise
escapes from my impatient
soul the cannot rest


the start of something
i have only 2 dollars
be my idea

11/29/09

flowmatic : distortions

This series is entitled flowmatic : distortions.  These are expressive drawing I made, some solo and most collaborative. I find it beautiful when good friends and family can spend time together creating art. 


THE SPACES WITHIN   By: Hannah Schroeder, Nadine Crisp and Alisha Bube



YELLOW   By: Hannah Schroeder and Rebecca Greenfield





FIG / FOOL   By: Hannah Schroeder and Michael Pittman


VEERLE AS A CAT    By: Hannah Schroeder and Veerle Monkerhey





HISTORY  By: Hannah Schroeder



BIG BIG ______ MESS   By:  Hannah Schroeder, Alexandra Peter, Michael Pittman and Veerle Monkerhey

TILE  By: By: Hannah Schroeder, Alexandra Peter, Michael Pittman


VISION   By: Hannah Schroeder, Malia Schroeder, Alexandra Peter, and Michael Pittman


ROTATE  By: Hannah Schroeder








11/25/09

You know

I free styled a song in my bathroom, this was the product. The video image is a video of me wrapping my best friends VHS tape in the summer of 2009.  

ev er y th in g is part II

the follow up to "ev er y th in g is." this is a representation of time and space. it plays with the idea of substance and the lack there of in this world and in the way that we define things. everything comes from nothing... but everything also comes from something... something comes from nothing... and nothing comes from something. without something there cannot be nothing...without nothing, there cannot be something. the two feed off one another.

so in conclusion...

EVERYTHING IS!

ev er y th in g is


ev er y th in g is part I

this is a video i took of myself in a room lit with only a black light. it represents and reminds us that every thing is. it is as simple as that. the music in the back round is a recording of alexandra peter and i free styling on the piano.


11/23/09

cat watching bug 11.05.2009

This is a video examining my cat examine a bug. He was watching the bug so intently that it was almont like he was mimiking the bugs' every move.




11/22/09

Haikus for Madeline Cont.

___________________________________

typing on dirty
surfaces in the late night
the keys should be white

the broken drywall
covering the gallery
i breath in the dust

stale spit in my mouth
forming familiar tastes
lack of words are home

it is getting cold
outside the smoke forms a cloud
i breathe on your face

slowly i change pace
counting all the cracks every time
makes me feel so safe

peanut butter smeared
a layer on my sketch book
it smells of nuts now

____________________________________

11/14/09

birth. rebirth. siblings.






This was a drawing II assignment. Our assignment was to create an "environment" with an installation and then draw 2 compositions from that. This is what I came up with. This piece is titled "birth. rebirth. siblings."

Note- I took these photos of the drawings with my photo booth on my laptop-- that explains the low quality of the photo.

11/1/09

poetry cont.

I FLY BY YOU

I fly by you
Going 0 miles per hour
Sliding out of the womb
I fly by you tripping on the ground falling in piles of socks
I fly by you
I fly by you walking on the street
Throwing change by your feet
I fly by you smoking a cigarette
After watching my grandmother heart stop from lung failure
I fly by you
Slower and faster
The change of pace makes me dizzy
I want to throw up
I fly by you on my bicycle
100 miles per hour
You are in a car and there is a stop sign
I don’t stop,
I fly by you
I am wearing a red coat at night and the cars don’t see me
I fly by you
I fly by you pissed drunk
The blur of your face rubs a picture in my mind
I fall off a trunk and scar my body as
I
Fly by
You

I fly by you on my birthday
Everything is loud and happy
You look at my and I at you
While I fly by you
I fly by you as I pass you on the bus
A small girl winks at me
I fly by you
I fly by you with a knife in my hand
I stab the water mellow and juices fly everywhere
I fly by you in my wheelchair
Rolling toward the door way to the garden
I fly by you in my sleep
I fly by you
I fly by you in the subway
The tunnel comes to an end
The lights go out